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Funniest Thing I Heard Today...

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  • Originally posted by ramblin66 View Post
    Thats great.

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    • where has all the humor gone, loooong time passing....
      Young men know the rules, OLD men know the exceptions.

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      • Originally posted by eteach01 View Post
        where has all the humor gone, loooong time passing....
        I've been trying to resurrect this thread.... Come on in and help!
        “Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones.”...Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

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        • In honor of Dennis Hof, brothel owner and candidate for state assembly that just died yesterday:
          what does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?

          Beat it. We’re closed.
          Young men know the rules, OLD men know the exceptions.

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          • What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

            Beef strokin’ off.
            Young men know the rules, OLD men know the exceptions.

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            • This one's possibly been shared before, but it's funny...

              A fellow walks into a bar and chooses a bar seat next to two fat women. After a drink or 2, he leans over and says to the girls, "I couldn't help but overhear your interesting accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
              One of the big girls barks out, it's Wales"
              Our friend is taken a bit back and apologizes: "Oh, very sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"

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              • Originally posted by dbsuperbiker View Post
                This one's possibly been shared before, but it's funny...

                A fellow walks into a bar and chooses a bar seat next to two fat women. After a drink or 2, he leans over and says to the girls, "I couldn't help but overhear your interesting accents, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
                One of the big girls barks out, it's Wales"
                Our friend is taken a bit back and apologizes: "Oh, very sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"


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                • This pirate walks into a bar............................................... ......
                  I have neither the time,or the inclination, to explain myself to a man, who rises and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner, in which I provide it. I'd rather you just say 'thank you' and go on your way.

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                  • Originally posted by BIG O View Post
                    This pirate walks into a bar............................................... ......
                    Oh, stop it

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                    • Here's your joke for today.

                      An Israeli doctor says: "In Israel, medicine is so advanced that we cut off a man's testicles, put them on another man and in 6 weeks he is looking for work."

                      The German doctor says: "That's nothing, in Germany we take part of a brain, put it in another man and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."

                      The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we take half a heart from a man, put it in another man's chest and in 2 weeks he is looking for work."

                      The Canadian doctor laughs: "You are all behind us. A year and a half ago we took a man with no brains, no heart and no balls and made him Prime Minister. Now the whole country is looking for work!"



                      "I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it!"

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                        • Little Johnny is all grown up and he's mended his ways. This year he visited the Vatican, where he hoped to receive a blessing from the pope.

                          Johnny gets incredibly lucky and he's selected from the crowd for a small group who gets to meet the pope. His dream is coming true!

                          So he's waiting in line and sees that the pope gives everyone a brief sign and moves on. Except for this one dirty, disheveled bum. The pope leans in, hugs the guy, and then blesses him. Johnny needs a hug from the pope, so he crawls down the line to the filthy guy and says, "buddy, here's a $100 for the coat, thanks!"

                          Johnny crawls back to his spot in line, equipped with his smelly pope-attracting coat. The pope gets to Johnny, who is jumping out of his skin he's so excited, and says, "I thought I told you to get the fuck outta here"

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                          • What does a Mexican and a cue ball have in common?

                            The harder you hit them the more English you get!


                            Disclaimer: A Mexican guy I work with told me that joke so don't go flaming me

                            I have neither the time,or the inclination, to explain myself to a man, who rises and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner, in which I provide it. I'd rather you just say 'thank you' and go on your way.

                            Comment

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