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Anybody got a good joke?

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  • Anybody got a good joke?

    I love jokes. How about telling me a good one ? I pass them on to my friends. I am always expected to have a new one. NBK

  • #2
    Take your pick from this link (click here).
    Last edited by BillDownUnder; 04-02-2018, 06:01 PM.
    I suffer from kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it.


    • #3
      from where ?


      • #4

        While I am master of my sword, I shall never think any man greater than myself.
        ~Eumenes of Cardia

        I'd rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on earth. ~Steve McQueen

        I work over by worlds of fun. ~JimmyMac

        My photo album -


        • #5
          Well since BigO hasn’t shown up yet: This Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel stuck in his pants... Stopme if you’ve heard this one
          Government's first duty is to protect the people, not run their lives.


          • #6
            OK, I’m in

            Three strings are sitting around on a Friday night after a long day in the saddle of their ZZR 1200s. One has the idea of going out and grabbing a six pack and chilling by the laser cut, cast fire ring and talking about their day in the deep lean.

            They head out to the local bar and one goes in and asks the bartender for a six pack of Bud Light. The man quickly tells String E that they will not and have never served strings in their fine parlor. The String E walks back out with his braid held low. Seeming a bit dejected the three friends consider leaving without the booty. Mustering courage String F decides to give it a go, thinking that his experience and elder attitude on the things of life will score the treasure. He boldly walks up to the bar and asks for a six pack of their finest porter. The bartender looks at him and shouts angrily, I told your buddy that we don’t serve strings in here, get out! Seeing the forlorn expression on his friends faces, the final string conjures a plan. He tells Strings E and F to tie him in a knot and so they do as instructed and then he tells them to fray his ends and they do. He turns and String G with all of the kewlness of the legendary corner carver known as Jmac, walks into the establishment. The bartender immediately turns, sees him and shouts “Hey, you are not one of those twisted strings are you....!?”. String G answered.....frayed knot.....

            You obviously know how this ends. ????

            Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
            '05 ZZR 1200
            '05 ZG 1000


            • #7
              There was this bird,

              It had a canarial disease,

              It was tweetable.

              Stupid people can be dangerous in large groups


              • #8
                Originally posted by eyesonly
                There was this bird,

                It had a canarial disease,

                It was tweetable.
                Ba dump bump

                Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

                '05 ZZR 1200
                '05 ZG 1000


                • #9
                  This penguin takes his car into the shop to be repaired.

                  The mechanic tells him it'll take about an hour to fix it.

                  So the penguin goes walking around the local stores to kill some time and comes across an ice cream shop.

                  He goes in and orders a double scoop of vanilla.

                  He just gets started on his double scoop when his phone goes off and it's the mechanic telling him to get back to the shop that he has his car repaired.

                  So, he makes a mess of the double scoop and rushes back to the shop.

                  When he gets back to the shop the mechanic looks at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."

                  The penguin looks at him while wiping his mouth off and says, "No, it's ice cream!"

                  I have neither the time,or the inclination, to explain myself to a man, who rises and sleep under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner, in which I provide it. I'd rather you just say 'thank you' and go on your way.


                  • #10
                    A man met a beautiful blond and wanted to marry her right away.

                    She said, "but we don't know each other."

                    He said, "that's all right. We'll learn about each other as we go along."

                    So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.

                    One morning they were lying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.

                    After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.

                    She said, "That was incredible!"

                    He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."

                    So she got in the pool and started doing lengths.

                    After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.

                    He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"

                    "No," she said. "I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both side of the river."
                    "Somebody's gotta be unafraid to lead the freak parade" -- Big and Rich


                    • #11
                      John walks into his favorite pub with his pet monkey and pulls up a bar stool. The monkey hops down and takes off, all around the pub.

                      In his travels, the monkey eats a few olives from the bar stock. He gobbles up a few eggs. Then he heads over to the pool table and picks up the cue ball. He pops the cue ball in his mouth and swallows it whole!

                      The bartender is amazed and angry. "Hey John, your monkey just ate the cue ball from my pool table!"

                      "Doesn't surprise me", says John. "He eats just about everything he gets his hands on. I'll pay for everything the monkey has eaten."

                      At the end of the evening, John pays for his beers, the monkey's munchies and the cue ball.

                      Next week, John shows up at the pub with the monkey. John pulls up a bar stool and the monkey takes off, making his rounds.

                      The bartender watches as the monkey grabs a maraschino cherry from the jar, sticks it up his butt, removes it, then pops it in his mouth to eat it.

                      "That's just disgusting!" says the bartender.

                      John says' "Well he still eats about everything he gets his hands on but after that cue ball last week, now he measures everything."

                      "Somebody's gotta be unafraid to lead the freak parade" -- Big and Rich


                      • #12
                        thanks for some good ones !!


                        • #13
                          My wife -

                          has one.



                          • #14
                            I am rolling. Thanks guys. Peace


                            • #15
                              Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
                              Young men know the rules, OLD men know the exceptions.